At the back of the children’s section in Waterstone’s Battersea is a fish tank. I only noticed it because MiniMe has taken a sudden interest in fish (more particularly, pointing them out while shouting “fish!”)

In there is Dr Fish. Dr Fish has only one eye, but manages to carry it off with a look of pure malevolence, the likes of which raise him to the level of Bond villain. Indeed, when you consider that any of the other fish could sneak up on him easily by simply approaching from his right it’s clear that he is using fear to rule the tank and keep the other fish in line while he works on his evil masterplan.

The exact nature of his masterplan eludes me. As does the cause of the injury that turned a talented, high-achieving and well-balanced fish into an evil sociopath. But trust me, when he gazes out of that tank with his good eye he’s thinking of nothing short of total domination of the children’s section.

Having said all that, if your taste in literature runs to better imaginations and far, far better writers than me you might be interested in the SW11 Literary Festival (organised in conjunction with Waterstones) and running all this month.